This grief-filled women used all four unique human gifts to literally reinvent her life. Notice how she grew in self-awareness, how she consulted her imagination and conscience, and how she exercised tremendous willpower to rediscover and renew her life. What a truly great contribution she is making! What peace of mind resulted.
I was forty-six year old when my husband, Gordon, was diagnosed with cancer. Without hesitation, I took early retirement to be with him. Although his death eighteen months later was expected, my grief consumed me. My first Christmas without him I didn’t even decorate the house. I sorrowed over our dreams unfulfilled, over the grandchildren he would never get to hold or touch. I would turn to speak to him, only to be reminded that he wasn’t there. Grief filled every corner of my soul. I was only forty-eight and had no reason to live.
My overarching question through my sorrow was “Why did God take Gordon and not me?” I felt Gordon had so much more to offer the world than I did. At this low point in my life, with my body, mind, and spirit fatigued beyond measure, I encountered the 7 Habits. I was led to ask myself, “If I am here for some reason, what is it supposed to be?” I was motivated to find new meaning in my life.
“Begin with the End in Mind” suggests breaking out the roles of your life. So, I drew a pie chart with my “used to be” roles as they were before Gordeon’s death. On a second pie chart I left a huge blank where work and wife used to be. That large, blank piece of pie drove home to me that my life was irrevocably difference. I drew a big question mark in the slice. It sat there looking at me, asking, “What are your ‘going to be’ roles?”
I grabbed ahold of the idea that all things are created twice-first mentally, and then physically. I had to write a new script. I had to ask myself, “What talents do I have? “So I took an aptitude test, which gave me some clarity on my top three abilities. To create a scenes of balance in my life, I focused on the four dimension: on an intellectual level I realized that I loved to teach; spiritually and socially, I wanted to continue to support the racial harmony we had endeavored to live through our biracial marriage; emotionally, I knew I needed to give love. When my mother was alive she rocked critically ill babies in the hospital. I wanted to give comfort as she had, continuing here legacy of unconditional love.
I was afraid to fail. I had never done anything in my adult life except work for the veterans Association. But I told myself it would be okay to try difference things, like trying on hats. If I didn’t like teaching after a semester, I didn’t have to go back. If the racial relations hat didn’t fit, it would be okay to take it off and try on something different. I began again by going to graduate school so I could teach a t the college level. Graduate school is hard, period, but age forty eight, it was really touch. I was so used to passing document off to my secretary to type that I had to take a semester just to learn how to type my own papers on the computer.
My concentration was still somewhat impaired from the aftermath of Gordon; it was difficult to discipline myself to read what someone else wanted me to read. Turning off the TV and returning the cable box where acts of sheer will. But I knew that I needed to gibe those things up if I wanted to get where I planned to go [“Habit 3: Put First Things Firs”].
I completed graduate school with a 4.0 GPA, and began teaching at a historically black college in Little Rock. I was appointed by the governor to serve on the Martin Luther King Commission to improve racial relations in Arkansas. I rock the crack babies and infants with AIDS who are hooked up to ventilator tubes. However short my time with them is, I know that I am giving comfort, and I am getting their love in return. It gives me a sense of peace.
Now my life is very good. I can feel my man Gordon smiling at me He told me time and time again before he died that he wanted me to have a life full of laughter, happy memories, and good things. How could I waste my life, with his directive on my conscience? I don’t think I could. I have an obligation to live my life the best I can for the people I love the most-where they are on this earth or on the other side.
- This amazing woman not only got ahold of her life, she had the wisdom to mentally create an entirely new one (Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind). Her inspiring example illustrates the importance of balancing the four dimension of life embodied in Habit 7 Sharpen the Saw- the physical, the mental, the social and the spiritual. She faced fear straight on and left here deeply scripted comfort zone of fearing failure. This is no quick fix story. She was patients, persistent, and paid the price.
Story from: Living the 7 Habits
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