Living for Today

Notice the growth of this young woman’s proactive muscles through using all four unique human gifts (self-awareness, imagination, conscience, and independent will). Notice the movement in her mind-set from being a victim to becoming the creative force of her own life. Think also about the statement, “Planning is invaluable, but plans are worthless.”

As I sat in the intensive care unit watching over my comatose older brother, Byron, I kept asking myself, “Why? Why did I walk a way from the same accident without a scratch or bruise on my body?” His head was wrapped in gauze from the severe brain damage and his eyes ware swollen shut. The doctors convinced us that he probably wouldn’t survive the night.

They now say that the accident that I miraculously walked away from may very well have been the environmental stress impact in my life that resulted in the onset of a very serious chronic inflammatory disease that affects many of the body’s organs. This disease would later bring many more difficult and challenging trial to my life.

I was nine years old at the time of our accident and my dream was to become the next Mary Lou Retton. I survived that setback of the accident but my dreams were shattered one year later when I began experiencing join pain in my wrists and knees. The doctors diagnosed me with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis but said I would most likely grow out of it. In the meantime, they advised me to quit gymnastics because of the high stress on the body. Tears were shed, but my activities, goals, and dream only shifted. Academics, basketball, swimming, tennis, skiing, and water skiing become my new loves in life.

During my junior year in high school, I began to feel much more severe joint pains throughout my enticed body. I felt the slightest touch or movement of every joint and bone. Rolling over in bed, getting up to use the bathroom, typing my shoes, and brushing my teeth took tremendous effort. The question “Would I ever walk or run again?” ran through my head several times. I remember so clearly my concerned innocent little sister asking my mom in a quiet voice, “Is Elisa going to die?”

More tests were done which determined that I had the incurable systemic lupus erythematosus. Lupus is an autoimmune disease that attacks the body’s tissue. I convinced myself that this was my secret. Despite my condition, I would be just like everyone else and this diagnosis was not going to keep me from doing in life what I had always dreamed and hoped for. I grew to learn that a smile on my face and determination in my heart were the only things that would keep my spirits high and give me the strength to move forward [Habit 1: Be Proactive].

I was able to successfully graduate from high school with the help of massive dosages of medication. I knew I would live with this disease for the rest of my life but thought the episode I experienced in high school was my last trial and that I could live with whatever else happened.

Getting a college education was the next goal in my life [Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind]. I could not wait to move out on my own, cook my own meals, be independent, and live the life of a college student. First semester was difficult making all the necessary adjustment, but I loved the challenges and the memories I was making. I returned home for Christmas to spend the holidays with my family and there I began to experience symptoms I had never experienced before. I began to retain water and soon looked nine months pregnant. What was happening?

Once again I was back in the doctor’s office, only this time the lupus was attacking my kidneys. I was determined to be back in school in less than a week, so we needed to cure this quickly. But the doctors informed me that school would not be an option for me that semester. I returned for a week’s worth of intense hospital treatments and then four months of intravenous treatments. I was nineteen years old, trying to get a college degree and live my life as actively as anyone else would, but my physical condition was not allowing me to.

After endless days of hospital care, needles, IVs and tests, I slowly began to shed the water retention. Although once kidney function is lost it is never fully regained, with medication I was able to return to full activity and was back at school for another start. I was a semester behind, but caught up in the spring and summer terms.

My major in communications required all students to do an internship before graduation. Winter semester was my scheduled internship and graduation was to take place in August. I was lucky to get the internship of my dreams and work with some talented people in my field. Two weeks into my internship I began experiencing the same symptoms of water retention and bloating. This couldn’t be happening! It couldn’t happen right now, not with this internship I be faced with for the next three to four months. Only this time I was not going to drop out of school. Mentally I convinced myself that I was going to stick it out-school, internship, everything. 

Once again I looked nine months pregnant and couldn’t wear any of my own clothes. The intense swelling in my legs and feet left scarred stretch marks. The capillaries popped in my face, leaving purple bruises and swelling for months. Friends and classmates who saw me one week looking normal turned quiet and stared as I forced myself to go about my normal day-today activities. So many times I wanted to crawl in a hole and hide until it was all over. The smile I learned to paste on my face during my junior year of high school kept me going. I knew there was an end to all this but could not see it at the time. My symptoms varied with each flare-up and I was able to fight this round without extended hospitalization, so I was able, painfully, to move on with my life. Each day I got better and within time I was back to full strength. My goal to graduate was attained and despite my condition I did so in less than four years.

A career was next on my list and I was anxious to apply my education and experience in the workforce. I found a wonderful job an was slowly adjusting to this new lifestyle. I had been through enough trials. Only two months into my new job, and still trying to make a good impression, I had another flare-up Why? Why? Why?

The treatments continue. Each time my kidneys get weaker and weaker and the treatments get stronger and stronger with more and more side effects. I fight nausea, fatigue, hair loss, bone depletion, bruising, and sun sensitivity as a result of the mediations my body daily depends so heavily on. The threat of dialysis or a kidney transplant lingers. It may just be a matter of time, nobody knows. 

Living with lupus is living on the edge. I never know when it will attack, what symptoms I will experience, how long recovery will take, and how much debt for medical expenses I will be faced with later. Bearing children is very unlikely and the thought of someone accepting me and my condition is always a concern. I’ve learned not to ask “Why?” anymore but “What can I learn from this experienced?” The goals I set for myself are goals I know I can accomplish but obstacles will be put in my way. I live for today and what I can do today, not in the past nor in the future. Because for me, the future may not be what I have planned. 

What an amazing person! I would like to make four points:

• First, people who study the characteristics of stress-hardy individuals basically focus upon three attitudes, all of which are manifested by this brave woman: challenge, control, and commitment.
• Challenge leads you to learn from experience, whether it’s positive or negative, rather than having an entitlement approach to a life of easy comport and security.
• Control basically means keeping your focus on the circle of things you can do something about, however small they may be, so that you don’t lapse into victimize, passivity, and powerlessness.
• Commitment leads you to stay involved with different tasks and goals, such as completing an education, rather than just hanging back in self-protection.
• Second, notice how this woman’s question changed from asking “Why?” to asking, “What can I learn?” While struggling to survive the death comps of Nazi Germany, Viktor Frank learned to ask himself the question, “What is it that life is asking of me?” instead of “What is it I want from life?” He would also confront others who were in deep depression and experiencing suicidal tendencies with the same question: “What is life asking of you? What have you got to live for? What meaning can you find?” instead of “What is it you want out of life?” This is why Frankl says that each person’s sense of meaning is usually detected rather than invented. When you ask the question, “What is life asking of me?” you are listening to your conscience. Like radar, your conscience scans the horizon of your responsibilities and your situation and then gives your guidance. 
• Third, the statement that “Planning is invaluable, but plans are worthless” has some wisdom in it. While I don’t fully agree that plans are worthless, I do think the statement has meaning in changing situations and that it leads to important insights. Take the woman in this story as an example. All of her plans and expectations were repeatedly dashed and she experienced continued disappointment, so she began to define Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind, in terms of learning, adapting, coping, adjusting, and optimizing.
• Fourth, Floyd C. Douglas wrote a beautiful story called “Precious Jeopardy” which parallels, in some respects, the woman’s life’s journey in this story. It’s when your life is threatened that you really fully appreciate and value life. Life is very precious, but can be constantly jeopardized by forces outside our control. For many years, our family would read “Precious Jeopardy “around Christmas because it had such a sobering, yet exhilarating and inspirational, effect upon us, particularly as we reflected upon the previous year, planned for the next year, and, most importantly, sought to live in the present moment with gratitude. 

Story from: Living The 7 Habits