Many of us feel utterly trapped in our present circumstance. We not only fail to see a way out, we often don’t even ask the question, “What else can I do?” This is a story of a valiant couple who chose to do whatever was necessary to fulfill their mission statement to not only keep the family first, but also to secure more enjoyable employees.
I used to work for the federal government in Washington, D.C. I thought my family was happy and just as excited as I was about our situation. I was wrong, but too wrapped up in the urgent, important things at work to notice. My wife and family have followed me all around the world moving from place to place. Finally my wife said, Can you make a move this time to somewhere we’ll be happy?
I loved the job, but inner-city D.C. wasn’t the best place for my family. In the past, it would have been easy to say, Honey, come on, be reasonable. I can’t just move like that! You know they always control where I go. I just go where they say to go. But when I saw her eyes, I realized this was not just a little request for her. This was, in a way, life or death. She’d had enough. Using my mission statement as a reminder of what I valued [Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind\, I told her, “Okay, I’ll see what I can do.”
The next day, I went to my boss and said, “Look, I love working here. I am happy doing the job, but I need to get a balanced between work and my family. My wife wants to move out of the city. I think she’ll move whether I do or not. If I don’t have my family living here with me, I am not going to be effective for you. I am not going to be able to do the things you want me to, because I’ll always be worried about my family.”
He didn’t want to let me go, but he could see I was serious. During our conversation, he mentioned an opening in an agency outside the city for which I was qualified. He helped me get the job. When people heard I was moving to the country they couldn’t believe it. “Stan, are you nuts? You’re throwing away your chance for senior management. What are you doing?” They were really concerned I was suffering from temporary insanity.
“I don’t think I am throwing it all a way,”I’d reply. “I’m actually picking something else that is better.” Most of them just shook their heads and gave me a consoling pat on the shoulder.
I moved my family out of Washington to a small town. I stayed with the agency doing a job I enjoy. I still see my old friends and have opportunities to travel. My children are blossoming and are attending a school where they are able to excel and get the attention they need. My wife is overjoyed with owning our first home We set aside two nights a week as family nights. We have more time together and love gardening as a family. I never realized how much fun it could be to get dirty in the yard.
- There is one sure thing that we directly control our own behavior. As for the behavior of others, we have only indirect control, which is based upon what method of influence we use. Here are also many things over which we have no control things such as the weather, the economy, our in-laws, our genes. The key to all three challenges (direct control, indirect control, and no control) is always the same begin by hanging yourself your habits, your methods of influence, or your attitudes. The couple in this story literally picked up and changed their circumstances, which resulted in a more balanced, peaceful, happy personal and family life. They changed their methods of influence with each other by practicing Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood. They changed their method of influence with the husband’s boss by courageously seeking to be understood (the last half of Habit 5) and by coming up with a win-win synergistic arrangement (Habits 4 and 6: Think Win-Win and synergize). It is absolutely marvelous to see the freedom people really have when they take responsible and initiative.
True Story from: Living the 7 Habits
