The Surprise Visit

When we create a mission statement we identify our purpose, vision, values, and most important relationships in life. There is power in a mission statement, particularly when it explicitly or implicitly deals with all the important roles in one’s life. Most people focus on one or two roles, such as immediate family and work, and they often end up neglecting other roles. When the woman in this story focused on her extended family, she got some resistance from her immediate family But by fulfilling this role within the context of her mission statement [Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind] and sticking with the plan [Habit 3: Put First Things First], she found a meaningful new dimension of life.

When I wrote my mission statement last year, I said I wanted to be closer to my relatives than I had been in the past. So, when I planned my annual vocation to Tennessee to visit my parents and sister, I decided to schedule a visit to two elderly aunts. I don’t think I had seen them in ten years. I felt I needed to spend my time in a way consistent with my mission statement.

When I got down to Tennessee, I told my sister of my plan to visit Aunt Dorothy and Aun Mararet. She didn’t really understand my motive. Why don’t you just give them a call instead of visiting them I’ve found these great little antique shops I want to show you. They’ll be happy with just a phone call.” I don’t know why but I really felt drawn to visit these women. “No,” I said a little too firmly, “I really want to go see the aunts.”

As I drove over to their house, I had cold feet. What would they think of me, popping in to visit after all these years? Why did I think they would be happy to see me? I almost turned the car around.

When I walked into their little living room, they both lit up. We drank iced tea and visited for almost three hours. They told me stories of when I was a little girl, of how they come to visit when I was born. They even told me stories of my grandmother and great-grandfather that I hadn’t heard before. It was a delightful afternoon. I was only sorry I hadn’t visited sooner. Little did I know I had visited just in the nick of time.

Three months later, Aunt Margeret passed a way. When I heard the news, my first thought was, “I’m so glad I didn’t go antique shopping that day.” In my moment of choice, I had stuck to my plan. I had chosen to build my relationship with the people I loved just an my mission statement said. That afternoon was a priority for me. I don’t think it would have happened if I hadn’t taken the time to plan and think the importance of making these relationship first in my life. 

Source: Living the 7 Habits

I looked in the Mirror and Saw a Control Freak

Notice in this story what happens when work is at the center of our life. Notice also the deep turmoil involved with adding a new center-even when it’s one as important as family. Ultimately, we must come to a third alternative-one that embraces and harmonizes all the important areas o our lives- a principle center. When we do, as this man did, it will not only bring that balance we seek, it will cause you to go deep inside and bring order and integrity to our character and emotional makeup. The result is a reduced need to control others and greater productivity and happiness in every area of our life.

I spent my entire adult life focusing on my job. I worked twelve, fourteen hour days, six days a week, together ahead. I was constantly positioning myself so that I could be noticed and rewarded. I took the travel assignments because theat gave the impression I was devoted to the agency. We moved to inner-city Chicago so that I could be closer to the head agency. I thought my wife loved living there. I thought she loved the way our life was. I did.

Then my son was born Suddenly, I wanted to spend more time with him and my wife. So I tried to stretch myself between family and work. I felt like I was on a teeter-totter with my family on one side and work on the other. If I spent time with my family, the work side would shoot up. I’d have to go running over there. That meant I would leave my family. So I would run back to the family side. I felt like I was running between two opposite ends all week. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t get them to balance. No matter how fast I ran between the tow places, I couldn’t keep a balance. I was getting very tired and irritable with the circus act.

When I started learning and thinking seriously about the principle of putting first things firs, I realized my priorities weren’t straight. I couldn’t try to have work and family be my primary focus. If I did, my family would end up taking a back seat again as they had for years. I needed to redefine what was important to me [Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind]. Then I had to adjust my life so that my actions affirmed my priorities [Habit 3: Put First Things First]. Only when would my life feel calm and purposeful.

When I looked at the way I did my job, I saw a major control  freak. I liked to be in the office to every decision. I liked looking oer others’ shoulders to make sure everything was completed just the way I liked it. I thought nobody else could do it they way I could. Consequently, my life was filled with clutter. Inconsequential reports, briefings, and data sheets filled my days. I felt I had to do them because only I could do them the right way, I was wrong. By not letting go, I set my associates up for failue by not giving them a chance to perform. I began to allow others to participate in those things. My teammates had more of an active role, and I took more of an advisor role on most projects. I found out they felt more fulfilled having a bigger stake in the work.

To my amazement and a little bit of chagrin, those oh-so- important things at work that only I could do were getting done just fine. My boss was still happy and I had less busywork to complete. Which meant, revelation of all revelations, that I had more time to spend on the things I considered important. I started talking a lunch hour regularly, sometimes with my wife and son. I took time to really learn the software we used at the office. My productivity capacity skyrocketed. Something after all these years of climbing [Habit: 7: Sharpen the Saw].

My family life has changed dramatically. We moved out of Chicago to a small country town (it turned out my wife never enjoyed living in the city). Instead of spending time at the office, I’m with my family. My son and I go to the Saturday matinee. We buy a large popcorn (extra butter flavoring), some red licorice, and enjoy the show. I have a better relationship with my wife than I’ve had in years. We spend time together. Just time together. To do what we want life. I’ve even been known to joke on occasion.

Most importantly, I’m not running between two masters anymore. Life is not as hectic. I know the difference between what work has to be done, what work can be done. Most importantly, I know that work that shouldn’t be done. I let that go right on by.

When we are torn between two opposing value, both good, we usually end up compromising both. Such is the case between the value of work and the value of family. Yet by focusing on a bigger purpose or principle, no compromise needs to be make. You can achieve greater success in both area and have synergy between the two.

To some the most interesting aspect of this story would be the paradigm shift that look place when this man’s son was born. A paradigm is how you see reality, you view of the world, your map of the territory. The faster way to change a person’s paradigm is to change his or her role. As soon as out role changes from being single to married we see the world differently. As soon as our role changes from husband or wife to parent we see the world differently. Paradigm or perception shifts are more profound than either behavior or attitude shifts. I have always believed that if you want to make a significant improvement, work on your paradigm. If you want to make mirror improvement, work on your behavior and attitude. Once your have a correct paradigm of reality where the map reflects the territory, then go to work on your behavior and attitudes.

Source: Living The Seven Habits 

DESIRE - THE STARTING POINT OF ALL ACHIEVEMENT

The First Step Toward Riches

The method by which desire for riches can be transmuted into its financial equivalent consists of six definite practical steps, viz:

FIRST. Fix in your mind the exact amount of money you desire. It is not sufficient merely to say, “I want plenty of money.” Be definite as to the amount. 

SECOND. Determine exactly what you intend to give in return for the money you desire. (There is no such reality as “something for nothing.”)

THIRD. Establish a definite date when you intend to possess the money you desire.

FOURTH. Create a definite plan for carrying out your desire. And begin at once, whether you are ready or no. to put this plan into action.

FITH. Write out a clear, concise statement of the amount of money you intend to acquire, name the time limit for its acquisition, state what you intend to give in return for the money, and describe clearly the plan through which you intend to accumulate it.

SIXTH. Read your written statement aloud, twice daily, once just before retiring at night, and once after arising in the morning. As you read-see and feel and believe yourself already in possession of the money.

Remember, no more effort is required to aim high in life, to demand abundance and prosperity, than is required to accept misery and poverty. A great poet has correctly stated this universal truth through these lines;

I bargained with Life for a penny,

And Life would pay no more,

However I begged at evening

When I counted my scanty store.

For Life is a just employer,

He gives you what you ask,

But once you have set the wages,

Why, you must bear the task.

I worked for a menial’s hire,

Only to learn, dismayed,

That any wage I had asked of Life,

Life would have willingly paid.

Quote from THINK and GROW RICH - Napoleon Hill