Friday, September 6, 2013

I looked in the Mirror and Saw a Control Freak


Notice in this story what happens when work is at the center of our life. Notice also the deep turmoil involved with adding a new center-even when it’s one as important as family. Ultimately, we must come to a third alternative-one that embraces and harmonizes all the important areas o our lives- a principle center. When we do, as this man did, it will not only bring that balance we seek, it will cause you to go deep inside and bring order and integrity to our character and emotional makeup. The result is a reduced need to control others and greater productivity and happiness in every area of our life.



I spent my entire adult life focusing on my job. I worked twelve, fourteen hour days, six days a week, together ahead. I was constantly positioning myself so that I could be noticed and rewarded. I took the travel assignments because theat gave the impression I was devoted to the agency. We moved to inner-city Chicago so that I could be closer to the head agency. I thought my wife loved living there. I thought she loved the way our life was. I did.

Then my son was born Suddenly, I wanted to spend more time with him and my wife. So I tried to stretch myself between family and work. I felt like I was on a teeter-totter with my family on one side and work on the other. If I spent time with my family, the work side would shoot up. I’d have to go running over there. That meant I would leave my family. So I would run back to the family side. I felt like I was running between two opposite ends all week. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t get them to balance. No matter how fast I ran between the tow places, I couldn’t keep a balance. I was getting very tired and irritable with the circus act.

When I started learning and thinking seriously about the principle of putting first things firs, I realized my priorities weren’t straight. I couldn’t try to have work and family be my primary focus. If I did, my family would end up taking a back seat again as they had for years. I needed to redefine what was important to me [Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind]. Then I had to adjust my life so that my actions affirmed my priorities [Habit 3: Put First Things First]. Only when would my life feel calm and purposeful.

When I looked at the way I did my job, I saw a major control  freak. I liked to be in the office to every decision. I liked looking oer others’ shoulders to make sure everything was completed just the way I liked it. I thought nobody else could do it they way I could. Consequently, my life was filled with clutter. Inconsequential reports, briefings, and data sheets filled my days. I felt I had to do them because only I could do them the right way, I was wrong. By not letting go, I set my associates up for failue by not giving them a chance to perform. I began to allow others to participate in those things. My teammates had more of an active role, and I took more of an advisor role on most projects. I found out they felt more fulfilled having a bigger stake in the work.

To my amazement and a little bit of chagrin, those oh-so- important things at work that only I could do were getting done just fine. My boss was still happy and I had less busywork to complete. Which meant, revelation of all revelations, that I had more time to spend on the things I considered important. I started talking a lunch hour regularly, sometimes with my wife and son. I took time to really learn the software we used at the office. My productivity capacity skyrocketed. Something after all these years of climbing [Habit: 7: Sharpen the Saw].

My family life has changed dramatically. We moved out of Chicago to a small country town (it turned out my wife never enjoyed living in the city). Instead of spending time at the office, I’m with my family. My son and I go to the Saturday matinee. We buy a large popcorn (extra butter flavoring), some red licorice, and enjoy the show. I have a better relationship with my wife than I’ve had in years. We spend time together. Just time together. To do what we want life. I’ve even been known to joke on occasion.

Most importantly, I’m not running between two masters anymore. Life is not as hectic. I know the difference between what work has to be done, what work can be done. Most importantly, I know that work that shouldn’t be done. I let that go right on by.

When we are torn between two opposing value, both good, we usually end up compromising both. Such is the case between the value of work and the value of family. Yet by focusing on a bigger purpose or principle, no compromise needs to be make. You can achieve greater success in both area and have synergy between the two.

To some the most interesting aspect of this story would be the paradigm shift that look place when this man’s son was born. A paradigm is how you see reality, you view of the world, your map of the territory. The faster way to change a person’s paradigm is to change his or her role. As soon as out role changes from being single to married we see the world differently. As soon as our role changes from husband or wife to parent we see the world differently. Paradigm or perception shifts are more profound than either behavior or attitude shifts. I have always believed that if you want to make a significant improvement, work on your paradigm. If you want to make mirror improvement, work on your behavior and attitude. Once your have a correct paradigm of reality where the map reflects the territory, then go to work on your behavior and attitudes.

Source: Living The Seven Habits 


No comments:

Post a Comment