Our studies show that most people acknowledge that their
lives are really out of balance. People tend to focus so much on work and other
pressing activities that the relationships and activities they really treasure
most end up getting squeezed and pushed a side. This is a beautiful story of an
individual who got caught up in this whirlpool of urgency, and by taking the
time to think about roles and goals (Habit 1: Be Proactive and Habit 2: Begin
with the End in Mind), and synergizing with his wife (Habit 6: Synergize), he
came up with a marvelous solution.
I have always had a special friendship with my mother.
Together we endured a series of life events that has created a wonderful
relationship. At one time in my life. Even though I loved my mother and really
enjoyed spending time with her I got caught up in my commitments to work, the
community, and to my own family. My life got so busy, weeks would go by before
I would squeeze in a visit, we would go by before I would make even a quick
phone call just to check in. And when I did manage to squeeze in a visit we
would have just sat down to talk, and it would be time for me to leave. Another
meeting to go to, another deadline to meet. My contact with this wonderful
woman became mostly hit-and-miss.
My mother never put any pressure on me to visit more often,
but I wasn’t happy with the situation. I knew my life was out of control if I couldn’t
consistently spend time with my mother. So, Pulling on the First Things First
perspective, my wife and I brainstormed for a solution She suggested scheduling
a time each week or so that would work for bother our family and my mother.
Wednesday evening that night became my night to spend with my mom.
Now my mom knows that every week or two I will coming on a specify
night, at a specific time. I won’t be running off within the first ten minutes,
and there are few interruption. If she wants to get some exercise, we go for a
walk together. Other times she’ll cook a meal for me. Sometimes I take her
shopping at the mall, which in further away than she feels comfortable driving
to. No matter what we do, we always talk-about family, about current events,
about our memories.
Every evening I spend with my mother is a peaceful oasis in
my busy life. I tell my wife it’s one of the best suggestions she’s ever given
me.
When my father died, I decided I was going to maintain and
even increase my very special relationship with my mother because of the new
void in her life. I resolved that no matter where I was, I would phone her
every day for the rest of her life. Though we lived fifty miles apart, I would
also make special efforts to visit her at least every two weeks. She lived for
another ten years and I cannot begin to express the depth of my gratitude for
her life and for the preciousness of our time together.
I learned that when you regularly communicate with another
person, you reach a new level of understanding that almost runs by nuance. I
found that the daily phone call was not too unlike our semiweekly visit; we
felt as close to each other and as open and authentic with each other as we did
when we were together. It was like one continuous conversation. It really
didn’t make much difference whether it was on the phone or face-to-face, which
surprised me, because I’d always thought nothing could replace face-to-face
contact. I am sure in another sense that is correct. Because each conversation
contains the cumulative effect of the previous conversation there is hardly
anything to catch up on. Instead, you can share deep insight and feelings
rather than just experiences. Intimate communication means in-to-me-see.
Just like the gentleman in this story, I, too, have had the
tremendous benefit of having a very supportive and understanding wife who has
the abundance mentality. My wife, Sandra, doesn’t see life as a fixed piece of
pie where there is only so much time, where time with my mother would mean time
away from her. She saw that time with my mother would actually increase the
depth of our own relations.
Source: Living The 7 Habits
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