Daddy, I Want You to Be Healthy

This remarkable story shows that synergy, where the whole is greater than the sum of the part, comes from life balance.

I had been working every hard on my career. By the time I was forty-five years old, I was quite successful. I was also about sixty pounds overweight, a compulsive eater during times of stress, and one who didn’t have time to exercise regularly because of work. On his  fifth birthday, my son. Logan, gave me a book on healthy living. Inside, his mother had helped him write the following words: “Daddy, for my birthday this year, I want you to be healthy. I want you to be around awhile.” Talk about a punch in the stomach. Ouch.

That plea from my son changed my perspective on my lifestyle completely. The eating and the lack of regular physical exercise weren’t just my individual choice anymore. I saw suddenly that I was creating a very unhealthy legacy for our children. I was modeling for them that one’s body was unimportant; that self-control was unimportant; that the only thing worth working hard for in this life was money and prestige. I realized that my stewardship for my children needs. It also involved providing healthy role models. I had not been doing that.

So I committed myself to being healthy for my children [Habit 1: Be Proactive]. Not to losing weight, but to being healthy. That’s the key for me. My commitment had to be to something that held real value for me. I had tried so many diets and exercise programs before. Normally I would be fine until was simply not enough.

But my children are significant enough. I care enough about them that I can make healthy decisions. I established as a goal for myself that I wanted to be healthy [Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind]. I wanted to be vital, to have energy to play with my kids after work, to be able to play in the company softball tournament without getting winded on the way to first based. As a way to reach that goal, I implemented a diet and exercise program. The key here is that the diet and exercise program was not the goal. Being healthy for my children was. I decided to share my goal with somebody else who wanted to be healthy. We now work together on a mutually beneficial exercise program. I made sure I set aside time for me to accomplish my goals. I learned to stop working and pay attention to the needs of my body.

It’s been two years since I changed my way of thinking. I don’t struggle anymore to get out of bed. Exercising had almost second nature. I don’t talk myself out of my exercise program like I did at the beginning. Sure, there are still days that I don’t do too well. I’m tired, I have a headache, it’s too hot. Some day, I plain talk myself out of running. But it’s so much easier now for me to get back on track [Habit 3: Put First Things First]. Because I have this larger goal, this greater commitment to somebody I love more than myself, I can get right back on course.

A second benefit to this healthful mind-set is that I believe more than ever that I can be proactive. Getting out of bed early every morning, running to the top of the hill, running is my first 5k race. All of these things motivate me. Day after day, as I exercise, I experience private victories. So now I have this sense of faith, of hope, of belief that I am capable of difficult things. In a way, I had a victim’s mentality before because I was so discouraged, so stressed out that I couldn’t make a difference in the way I lived. Now, I have private victories that buoy me up.

A third benefit to having this larger goal is clearness of mind. I’m getting older. I used to think that getting older meant having to get used to being stiff, sore, tired, achy. But now that I have a much healthier lifestyle, I can see that it wasn’t age that made me feel that way, it was the way I was living. I know now that my head is achy because I ate too much sugar, not because I am forty-seven. My body is adjusted to health. I can use its healthy reactions to help me make decisions about how to live. I have learned you can actually trust principles, the reward of vitality and health s discernible. When that clarity of mind is clouded, I know instantly that I need to get back on track with my eating exercising, and sleep.

Perhaps the greatest lesson I have learned is that my body is intimately connected to the social, mental, and spiritual aspects of my life. That sugar headache I always had didn’t allow me to think clearly. Plus, the clarity of mind that comes after exercising is so beneficial. We identify losing weight as being have gained so far. I’ve never thought so clearly or concisely. Socially, I have benefited as well. Whenever I dieted before, I was always incredibly grumpy, which affected my relationships with my wife, children, and co-workers. I so grumpy because I had this huge have to on my list, which I didn’t have a driving desire to do. Now that I want to be healthy, the decisions to eat correctly and exercise are made more willingly, even joyfully on my part. This lack of internal struggle frees up so much more of my emotional energy to spend on my wife and children.

I never envisioned that a decision to be healthy could have such a dramatic effect on all four areas of my life. I’m not there yet. I’m still working. But I am enjoying the rewards that come from living, exercising, and eating the right way.

When this overweight forty-seven-year-old man tapped onto deeper emotional and spiritual motivations, including the legacy he was leaving his family, he gained control, perspective, willpower, clarity of mind, profound self-awareness, and personal freedom. Among the many lessons this story contains, it particularly shows the power and the fruits of the private victory, How easy it is to say no when we have a burning yes inside.

I ‘ve come to believe that self-mastery is foundational to maintaining good relationships. Appetite control usually precedes and enables emotional and mental control. We also can’t really build strong relationships until we conquer prideful passions. The author of proverbs taught, “He who rules his own spirit is better than he that taketh a city.” Greek wisdom teaches, “Know thyself. Control Thyself. Give thyself.”  

Source: Living The 7 Habits

            

The Winner

The Winner is always part of the answer.

The Loser is always part of the problem.

The winner always has a solution.

The Loser always has an excuse.

The Winner says, “Let me do it for you.”

The Loser says “That’s not my job.”

The Winner see an answer for every problem

The Loser see a problem for every answer.

The Winner says, “It may be difficult but it is possible.”

The Loser says, “It may be possible but it is too difficult.”

The Winner says, “Can, can.”

The Loser says, “Cannot, cannot.”

The Winner says, “I am possible.”

The Loser say, “Impossible.”

The Winner see the light.

The Loser sees the night.

The Winner says. “Never say die.”

The Loser always says. “Die, die.” 

A Legacy to My Sons - A Father's Reflections on Aspirations, Values and Life 

"Jimmy Teo" 

Be completely humble and gentle; Be patient; bearing 

with one another in love.

Be Humble and Forgiving, it makes you resilient. Don't be proud, it makes you rigid. Remember, Grass withstands storms where trees get uprooted..

Room 602 of the Oncology Critical Care Unit

This difficult situation of a manager torn between an urgent project, an insecure boss. and a dying mother beautiful illustrates the power of synergy-of coming up with better third alternatives.

I was a single parent rearing two teenagers and professionally I was at a critical juncture in my career. I had been the project manager for a major corporate initiative for two years. The project was nearing completion, and in anticipation of its conclusion, I was beginning to assume some of the responsibilities of my new position in another area. However, the mandate was clear: complete the project as soon as possible.

At the same time, my mother, who lived sixteen hundred miles away in South Texas, was diagnosed with cancer. The prognosis was worse than any of us expected. When the surgeon finished exploratory surgery, he told us, in words that I can still remember to this day, “Resection would not be conductive to life. I can only give her two weeks to three months to live.”

Life has a way of teaching us the need for balance in our lives, for determining what is really important. Obviously, my mother’s condition was a major focus for me; so was my career. The question was truly one of balance. How could I spend every minute possible with my mother, caring for her, and still complete the project in a professional manner? Convinced that I could not do both because of the distance between the two settings, i concluded that I must turn my back on the project and request family leave to be with my mother.

Having made the private decision, I needed to apply the interpersonal habits- Habits 4,5 and 6 [Think Win-Win; Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood; Synergize] – In working with my employers. Thinking win-win was easy in this case. I really was devoted to my company; I didn’t want to leave them in the lurch on this project. I wanted to win for the company but I knew I needed to be close to my mother for those last few weeks. So I thought that turning the project over to somebody else would be in the company’s best interest.

I approached my supervisor prepared to seek first to understand. She was new in the company. Her performance was being scrutinized and she needed to make a good impression. She needed this project completed in a time and effective fashion. She also used Habit 5 to seek first to understand my needs and those of my family. I learned a key lesson that day: when two parties honestly is reward for effectively thinking win-win and seek first to understand.

For the next three months, I continued to complete my responsibilities for the project by laptop from my mother’s hospital room. When meetings were necessary, the parties from the office gathered together and I joined them via telephone from my temporary office, Room 602 of the Oncology Critical Care Unit. For the first time in her life, my mother delighted in seeing her daughter at work. She commented on my contributions to meetings and questioned aspects of the project. I provided a good diversion for what had become her routine of shots, medication, doctors, and nurses.

At the end, the project was successfully completed and on time. And I was able to spend previous hours, days and weeks with my mother.

 “The key moment in this story occurred as this woman courageously approached her supervisor and shared her dilemma. Many people hesitate to do this because they have to confront some fears-particularly the fear of not ending up with the result they desire. Someone put it beautifully; “Courage is the quality of every quality at its highest testing point.”

The key insight that the person acquired was that synergy is the fruit-that Habit 6 always follows the roots, Habit 4: Think Win-Win, and Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood. If there is a spirit of true win-win and there is an effort to achieve mutual understanding, almost inevitably new insights and alternatives are created. 

Source: Living with 7 Habits