I looked in the Mirror and Saw a Control Freak

Notice in this story what happens when work is at the center of our life. Notice also the deep turmoil involved with adding a new center-even when it’s one as important as family. Ultimately, we must come to a third alternative-one that embraces and harmonizes all the important areas o our lives- a principle center. When we do, as this man did, it will not only bring that balance we seek, it will cause you to go deep inside and bring order and integrity to our character and emotional makeup. The result is a reduced need to control others and greater productivity and happiness in every area of our life.

I spent my entire adult life focusing on my job. I worked twelve, fourteen hour days, six days a week, together ahead. I was constantly positioning myself so that I could be noticed and rewarded. I took the travel assignments because theat gave the impression I was devoted to the agency. We moved to inner-city Chicago so that I could be closer to the head agency. I thought my wife loved living there. I thought she loved the way our life was. I did.

Then my son was born Suddenly, I wanted to spend more time with him and my wife. So I tried to stretch myself between family and work. I felt like I was on a teeter-totter with my family on one side and work on the other. If I spent time with my family, the work side would shoot up. I’d have to go running over there. That meant I would leave my family. So I would run back to the family side. I felt like I was running between two opposite ends all week. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t get them to balance. No matter how fast I ran between the tow places, I couldn’t keep a balance. I was getting very tired and irritable with the circus act.

When I started learning and thinking seriously about the principle of putting first things firs, I realized my priorities weren’t straight. I couldn’t try to have work and family be my primary focus. If I did, my family would end up taking a back seat again as they had for years. I needed to redefine what was important to me [Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind]. Then I had to adjust my life so that my actions affirmed my priorities [Habit 3: Put First Things First]. Only when would my life feel calm and purposeful.

When I looked at the way I did my job, I saw a major control  freak. I liked to be in the office to every decision. I liked looking oer others’ shoulders to make sure everything was completed just the way I liked it. I thought nobody else could do it they way I could. Consequently, my life was filled with clutter. Inconsequential reports, briefings, and data sheets filled my days. I felt I had to do them because only I could do them the right way, I was wrong. By not letting go, I set my associates up for failue by not giving them a chance to perform. I began to allow others to participate in those things. My teammates had more of an active role, and I took more of an advisor role on most projects. I found out they felt more fulfilled having a bigger stake in the work.

To my amazement and a little bit of chagrin, those oh-so- important things at work that only I could do were getting done just fine. My boss was still happy and I had less busywork to complete. Which meant, revelation of all revelations, that I had more time to spend on the things I considered important. I started talking a lunch hour regularly, sometimes with my wife and son. I took time to really learn the software we used at the office. My productivity capacity skyrocketed. Something after all these years of climbing [Habit: 7: Sharpen the Saw].

My family life has changed dramatically. We moved out of Chicago to a small country town (it turned out my wife never enjoyed living in the city). Instead of spending time at the office, I’m with my family. My son and I go to the Saturday matinee. We buy a large popcorn (extra butter flavoring), some red licorice, and enjoy the show. I have a better relationship with my wife than I’ve had in years. We spend time together. Just time together. To do what we want life. I’ve even been known to joke on occasion.

Most importantly, I’m not running between two masters anymore. Life is not as hectic. I know the difference between what work has to be done, what work can be done. Most importantly, I know that work that shouldn’t be done. I let that go right on by.

When we are torn between two opposing value, both good, we usually end up compromising both. Such is the case between the value of work and the value of family. Yet by focusing on a bigger purpose or principle, no compromise needs to be make. You can achieve greater success in both area and have synergy between the two.

To some the most interesting aspect of this story would be the paradigm shift that look place when this man’s son was born. A paradigm is how you see reality, you view of the world, your map of the territory. The faster way to change a person’s paradigm is to change his or her role. As soon as out role changes from being single to married we see the world differently. As soon as our role changes from husband or wife to parent we see the world differently. Paradigm or perception shifts are more profound than either behavior or attitude shifts. I have always believed that if you want to make a significant improvement, work on your paradigm. If you want to make mirror improvement, work on your behavior and attitude. Once your have a correct paradigm of reality where the map reflects the territory, then go to work on your behavior and attitudes.

Source: Living The Seven Habits 

DESIRE - THE STARTING POINT OF ALL ACHIEVEMENT

The First Step Toward Riches

The method by which desire for riches can be transmuted into its financial equivalent consists of six definite practical steps, viz:

FIRST. Fix in your mind the exact amount of money you desire. It is not sufficient merely to say, “I want plenty of money.” Be definite as to the amount. 

SECOND. Determine exactly what you intend to give in return for the money you desire. (There is no such reality as “something for nothing.”)

THIRD. Establish a definite date when you intend to possess the money you desire.

FOURTH. Create a definite plan for carrying out your desire. And begin at once, whether you are ready or no. to put this plan into action.

FITH. Write out a clear, concise statement of the amount of money you intend to acquire, name the time limit for its acquisition, state what you intend to give in return for the money, and describe clearly the plan through which you intend to accumulate it.

SIXTH. Read your written statement aloud, twice daily, once just before retiring at night, and once after arising in the morning. As you read-see and feel and believe yourself already in possession of the money.

Remember, no more effort is required to aim high in life, to demand abundance and prosperity, than is required to accept misery and poverty. A great poet has correctly stated this universal truth through these lines;

I bargained with Life for a penny,

And Life would pay no more,

However I begged at evening

When I counted my scanty store.

For Life is a just employer,

He gives you what you ask,

But once you have set the wages,

Why, you must bear the task.

I worked for a menial’s hire,

Only to learn, dismayed,

That any wage I had asked of Life,

Life would have willingly paid.

Quote from THINK and GROW RICH - Napoleon Hill 

Wednesday Evening: My Time with Mom

Our studies show that most people acknowledge that their lives are really out of balance. People tend to focus so much on work and other pressing activities that the relationships and activities they really treasure most end up getting squeezed and pushed a side. This is a beautiful story of an individual who got caught up in this whirlpool of urgency, and by taking the time to think about roles and goals (Habit 1: Be Proactive and Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind), and synergizing with his wife (Habit 6: Synergize), he came up with a marvelous solution.

I have always had a special friendship with my mother. Together we endured a series of life events that has created a wonderful relationship. At one time in my life. Even though I loved my mother and really enjoyed spending time with her I got caught up in my commitments to work, the community, and to my own family. My life got so busy, weeks would go by before I would squeeze in a visit, we would go by before I would make even a quick phone call just to check in. And when I did manage to squeeze in a visit we would have just sat down to talk, and it would be time for me to leave. Another meeting to go to, another deadline to meet. My contact with this wonderful woman became mostly hit-and-miss.

My mother never put any pressure on me to visit more often, but I wasn’t happy with the situation. I knew my life was out of control if I couldn’t consistently spend time with my mother. So, Pulling on the First Things First perspective, my wife and I brainstormed for a solution She suggested scheduling a time each week or so that would work for bother our family and my mother. Wednesday evening that night became my night to spend with my mom.

Now my mom knows that every week or two I will coming on a specify night, at a specific time. I won’t be running off within the first ten minutes, and there are few interruption. If she wants to get some exercise, we go for a walk together. Other times she’ll cook a meal for me. Sometimes I take her shopping at the mall, which in further away than she feels comfortable driving to. No matter what we do, we always talk-about family, about current events, about our memories.

Every evening I spend with my mother is a peaceful oasis in my busy life. I tell my wife it’s one of the best suggestions she’s ever given me.

When my father died, I decided I was going to maintain and even increase my very special relationship with my mother because of the new void in her life. I resolved that no matter where I was, I would phone her every day for the rest of her life. Though we lived fifty miles apart, I would also make special efforts to visit her at least every two weeks. She lived for another ten years and I cannot begin to express the depth of my gratitude for her life and for the preciousness of our time together.

I learned that when you regularly communicate with another person, you reach a new level of understanding that almost runs by nuance. I found that the daily phone call was not too unlike our semiweekly visit; we felt as close to each other and as open and authentic with each other as we did when we were together. It was like one continuous conversation. It really didn’t make much difference whether it was on the phone or face-to-face, which surprised me, because I’d always thought nothing could replace face-to-face contact. I am sure in another sense that is correct. Because each conversation contains the cumulative effect of the previous conversation there is hardly anything to catch up on. Instead, you can share deep insight and feelings rather than just experiences. Intimate communication means in-to-me-see.

Just like the gentleman in this story, I, too, have had the tremendous benefit of having a very supportive and understanding wife who has the abundance mentality. My wife, Sandra, doesn’t see life as a fixed piece of pie where there is only so much time, where time with my mother would mean time away from her. She saw that time with my mother would actually increase the depth of our own relations.  

Source: Living The 7 Habits

Family Secrets

I learnt a beautiful lesson from a good friend of mine who arrived from Bangkok yesterday. While driving him from the airport to the hotel, he told me, “Jimmy, my father told me that I must remember in life the following two most important principles. If you follow them, you will be successful and contented: whenever you drink water, remember the source; when you eat, eat from used and preferably rejected porcelain.”

My friend then kindly explained, “My father told me the tow principles when I was only 10 years old. I was then beginning to understand more about life. He felft China with practically nothing. He was a farmer. Yet, he successfully raised all six of us. We are successful people. We have faithfully followed what he taught us. And our family is now into the forth generation.” He expounded on his father’s philosophy.

Whenever you drink water; remember the source.

Water is the source of life. One can live for days without food, but one must have water. Some people have given you water. They are most likely your parents. It could be your friends. Remember them. Reward them when you can. Be grateful and always do good. In your life, there are always people helping you. Without them, you cannot successful.

When you eat, eat from used, or preferably rejected, porcelain.

Keep good porcelains to sell and make money. Have money. You do not need to use new things that cost money . You can eat from both new and used porcelain. So, why not eat from the used porcelain and sell the new ones to generate money! There is no need to indulge in vanities. Eating from used porcelain teaches you to be truly humble daily!

It is better to be rich in the pocket than trying to live like a rich man but really being poor in the pocket.

I think all of us have much to learn from the above secrets of success.

Mr. Jimmy while he came to Cambodia on 02 Sep 2013,  The second time I met him. 

Water is the substance of life.

Give it when you can afford

To those really in need.

Someone gave you water

When you have no way to get it yourself

And that someone is your parent.

Every time you eat from a bowl

Remember that to be able to eat is a blessing.

Thank god and be grateful that you can eat

And that you are eating from a bowl of your choice

The humble bowl.

There is no need to boost your ego

By eating from an expensive bowl.

What is in the bowl counts,

Not the bowl!

Source: Legacy to My Sons - Jimmy Teo

Does the agent seem honest?

How does one really know if another person is honest? It’s one of the hardest things to determine. However, over the years I’ve learned to trust my sixth sense about this sort of thing. Just in case you haven’t yet had a chance to develop your sixth sense, here are some things I look out for. I listen carefully to everything the agent says. 

If the agent begins slamming other agents, or others in the field, telling me how bad they are, I sense a problem. At the least this agent is not professional. 

At the worst, he or she is telling tales agent begins telling me how he or she tricked a buyer into giving a seller a better deal (hoping to impress me with ried. In real estate, as in all else, the best deals are where know this agent won’t try to “trick” me in the future? If the agent exaggerates by telling me I can get a higher price than I know is realistic or a quicker deal than seems possible, I get turned off. 

Mr. Kuy Vat, Mr. Po Eav Kong, Mr. Kevin Green and Me.

This agent may not be outright lying, but exaggeration is close to it. If the agent is building an unrealistic world of expectations in me, it can only result in problems down the road. Most of all I listen to see if what the agent tells me sounds sensible. Remember, all it takes to unravel a dishonest person is one small lie.