It’s Never Too Late to Change

Observe in this story the basic elements of the change process: self-awareness, taking responsibility, authentic expression, group support, and accountability.

I am a teacher of adults. During the introductions of one of the seminars I was leading, when everyone was talking about why they were there, one gentleman stood up and said, “My name is Harry. I am seventy-six years old, and I am here because my wife sent me.” Everyone stated laughing, but he was very serious. He continued, “My wife told me that this is my last chance. If I don’t straighten up, I am out of my rear. Your see, I’ve been a rascal all my life. Do you think it’s too late for me?”

I answered, “It’s only too late if you don’t start now.”

Well, as the workshop progressed, the group took him on as a personal project. Harry is a person that you hated to love, but you loved him anyway. He was just so cute, but he had this little impish way about him. You could see how his wife might have come to the end of her rope with him. The group could see that his wife’s Emotional Bank Account was empty. He had made very few deposits and numerous withdrawals over many years. In fact, her Emotional Bank Account was so overdrawn it was close to bankruptcy. Through modeling and mentoring and teaching, he soon began to make deposits. At first his wife didn’t believe he was sincere, and that was very frustrating for him. He was just so disappointed that she didn’t automatically think, “Well look how this guy has changed!” He wanted to give up, but the group would not let him. The group said, “Your wife’s bank account is so overdrawn, you have got to be consistently doing things.”

So Harry started doing little household chores that he had never done before. He took out the rash, cleaned up after himself, took his dishes to the sink, and began to offer to help around the house. And that was a first for him. His wife apparently was so angry that she was thing, “This is great, but it won’t last. “So he continued doing little things for her like making sure when she took the car out that he had it washed and filled with gas. If he come home and she was busy, he would ask, “Can I run to the store for you? Can I do errands for you?” and he consistently did this. He started taking her out to lunch, and doing all kinds of things. You could just see that love was being rekindled. 

Our group was together two hours a week over an eleven-week period, so we would get a progress report each week. As the weeks went by, she began to trust him and feel like maybe he really was making a change. At the last session Harry walked into the room with a big smile on his face. He come to the front of the room and gave me a great big hug. Well, I kind of held him off at arm’s length and I said, “Now Harry, this isn’t some of your rascally behavior is it? “and he said, “Oh no, that hug is from my wife, and she baked cookies for the whole class. She wanted me to tell everyone that I could stay-she said I could stay!”

        True group support, a lot of genuine expression, and a sense of accountability not only gave this seventy-six year-old man the power to transform his life, they are elements common to most successful change efforts. One-shot events may begin a change process, but they are usually insufficient. Both a process and systemic reinforcement based on self-evident, universal, timeless principles are needed. 

Many years a go, at the end of one of my semester courses in college, I remember asking a speech professor, “If you were to do your career all over again, what would you do differently?” In addition to teaching, he was also a speaker of international renown. His response to my question was both interesting and instructive, and I am convinced that, among other things, It unconsciously had a marked influence on my life. He said, “I would build an organization.” I asked him why. He said, “So there would be follow-through and lasting influence-a process, not just an event.” That very principle it what let me to leave a university many years later to start my own organization.

Story from: Living The 7 Habits